On the first Wednesday of the month the Elders of our church lead a prayer service. It is so great to come together so regularly for the purpose of prayer. We have some time of worship in song and we sang the two songs at the end of this email. As I sung these two songs I was struck with my depravity– My sin…all of it…all of me in my messes. I was also struck by Jesus and the rest he provides in my soul when I can get glimpses of his sacrifice and second advent.
There is something in me that likes to have my act together; especially spiritually. For instance, if I realize I have done something wrong, I like to make it right before I inform my boss/parents/coworkers/friends. I want to be able to say “I did this…but I have done this to fix it.” If my room or car is messy I don’t want people to see it because I fear their judgment. I like to approach God when I feel like I am in a “good spot spiritually.” (Whatever that means!?!?!). Entering prayer is easier for me when I am not in the midst of sin. I think that if I am successful in things I deserve rewards. I think that God will bless me most when I feel like I am doing a good job at life. (I know right!?!?) Wow. Reread that and tell me that isn’t ugly. This is c.r.a.z.y. Sometimes (most times) I get so bogged down trying to succeed before others and the Lord. I remember when I was little I would see how long I could go without sinning.
Every time I hear the first song we sang, “You Hold Me Now,” I am always struck by the reality that nothing will beg for my attention in heaven other than God Himself. Nothing will hinder my affections with Christ. There will be no fear, no sadness, and no strife for perfection. So when I sing this song I think on the list I mentioned above and I long to praise God without those other things begging me to worship them. I can’t wait to be one with my bridegroom. It is what this life is about, yet I have to fight for it all the time. I couldn’t help but cry knowing that although I have a High Priest that intercedes for me to God, I am still separated physically from my Savior.
We then sang “It is well with my soul” and it hit me that all of “that” was devoured and encompassed by Christ as he died on the cross. Literally, because of Christ, God can’t see me as anything else other than perfect. But, if that doesn’t resonate with me….it will all be devoured and encompassed as Christ returns to restore all things.
“It Is Well With My Soul”When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, It is well, it is well, with my soul. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, Let this blest assurance control, That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, And hath shed His own blood for my soul. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! My sin, not in part but the whole, Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul! For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live: If Jordan above me shall roll, No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul. But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait, The sky, not the grave, is our goal; Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord! Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul! And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, The clouds be rolled back as a scroll; The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, Even so, it is well with my soul. “Hold Me Now” On that day when I see All that You have for me When I see You face to face There surrounded by Your grace All my fear is swept away In the light of your embrace When Your love is all I need And forever I am free Where the streets are made of gold In Your presence healed and whole Let the songs of heaven rise to you alone No weeping, no hurt or pain No suffering You hold me now You hold me now No darkness no sick or lame No hiding You hold me now, You hold me now In this life I will stand Through my joy and my pain Knowing there’s a greater day There’s a hope that never fails When Your name is lifted high And forever praises rise For the glory of Your Name I’m believing for the day When the wars and violence cease All creation lives in peace Let the songs of heaven rise to you alone For eternity All my heart will give All the glory to Your name