Show Me

I randomly bought this album on Sunday.  Below is a song from the album that I resonate with so much right now.

Background:  I feel dry right now…which really sucks because I feel like I have had a year and a half of the opposite.  Don’t hear me wrong.  The Lord is still near, he is still speaking, I am still hearing…I am just dry and feel restless and I am fighting for joy that normally comes so naturally.  The other night I was telling the Lord that I just don’t ever want to walk through dessert seasons…my journal reads, “Lord, I don’t want to walk in a life that has down seasons.  Is it inevitable?”  I am sure if he were sitting with me he would gently rebuke me, assuring me of the desert, teaching me the duty and delight in suffering…if you can even call this season suffering.

I then came across a blog that referenced a song on the album I just bought of a singer I had never heard of before….not sure why I even bought the album.  I noticed it the other morning when the song came on as I was getting ready.  I was like, hey…I think this song was referenced on a blog that I came across!  I like when things like that happen:)

May I learn humility, live under mercy and rejoice in grace!

The blog read:

We love stories of restoration. We love being unfettered and passionately full of life.

But before freedom comes oppression; before redemption comes loss. We want to be rescued from our pain, but often prematurely.

Do we know how to die? Are we willing to?

Do we know how to fall soberly on our face to stay in the painful, the most incomplete place where we empty ourselves until we admit our own desires, our own comfort, our own abilities are useless?

Do we truly take on the form of Christ’s sufferings, a suffering even to death?

A friend recently said to me in an email, “This is the Gospel made practical. Everyone wants the power of the Resurrection. Few are willing to endure the crucifixion to get there.”

Think about it.

I played this song (lyrics below) 17 times on repeat a few days ago. I had to keep playing it, because I had to keep breaking down my heart little by little…

“Show me how to die…”

Before writing any blog posts, before any book is published, before any stage I step on or listening to any person I meet. Before I spend my money, before pretending to be perfect – to have it all figured out, before being a wife, or going to church, or calling a friend…

Before any good or bad or noble thing…

“Show me how to die…”

———

You could plant me like a tree beside a river
You could tangle me in soil and let my roots run wild
And I would blossom like a flower in the desert
But for now just let me cry

You could raise me like a banner in a battle
Put victory like a fire behind my shining eyes
And I would drift like falling snow over the embers
But for now just let me lie

Bind up these broken bones
Mercy bend and breathe me back to life
But not before You show me how to die

Set me like a star before the morning
Like a song that steals the darkness from a world asleep
And I’ll illuminate the path You’ve laid before me
But for now just let me be

Bind up these broken bones
Mercy bend and breathe me back to life
But not before You show me how to die
Oh, not before You show me how to die

So let me go like a leaf upon the water
Let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea
And I will disappear into a deeper beauty
But for now just stay with me
God, for now just stay with me

(“Show Me” – Audrey Assad)

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